Anniversaries...
Anniversaries... they can be a wonderful reminder of a special time, like a first date, first kiss, and wedding day. They can mark the birth of children, the beginning of a friendship, or a favorite adventure. They can also be very, very hard.
Today is a very hard anniversary. My mom went to Heaven exactly one month ago, today. One month since I've heard her say my name. One month since I've held her hand in mine. One month since her presence on earth was a constant comfort and source of stability. One month. And the beginning of many more.
Grief is a funny thing. You can be fine some days, the pain more distant and less painful. Other days, you can't have a conversation without tears streaming down your face. An unexpected reminder can be a dagger.
The first several days after Mom died were filled with details and distractions; what songs to play for the memorial service, who will say what, where will Mom be buried, what will she be buried in. The memorial service is a little bit of a haze, to be honest. Today, I'm not in a haze. I'm missing my mom, grieving her loss, and aching for Heaven.
Grief is also hard, because people don't know how to deal with it. It's scary. Nobody likes it. Nobody wants to experience it. We seem to think that if we don't talk about how bad loss hurts, maybe we won't have to deal with that pain. Jesus doesn't do that. He enters into our pain. He walks with us through it. And He comforts us with an incredible comfort words cannot describe. Sometimes, though, you need people to be Jesus with skin on, to cry with you, to be comfortable with your tears, and to just be with you. Some dear friends have done that for me. It is the greatest gift.
The day Mom died, as soon as people heard, several dear friends came to the house. Dear friends, who have been part of our family for many years, showed up. They cleaned. They cooked. They listened. They distracted children. They gave hugs. They were just there. That is the greatest gift, I think... to just be with someone in their grief. Not to try and fix it. Not to try and take the pain away. Not to minimize or dismiss. Just to be.
Henri Nouwen, in his book, Compassion, talks about the gift that "being with" can be. According to Nouwen, to share someone's grief can knit hearts together in a way nothing else can. And, based on my own personal experience, it has been one of the most precious treasures anyone has been able to give me.
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| Mom & Dad just moments before Mom went to Heaven |
Today is a very hard anniversary. My mom went to Heaven exactly one month ago, today. One month since I've heard her say my name. One month since I've held her hand in mine. One month since her presence on earth was a constant comfort and source of stability. One month. And the beginning of many more.
Grief is a funny thing. You can be fine some days, the pain more distant and less painful. Other days, you can't have a conversation without tears streaming down your face. An unexpected reminder can be a dagger.
The first several days after Mom died were filled with details and distractions; what songs to play for the memorial service, who will say what, where will Mom be buried, what will she be buried in. The memorial service is a little bit of a haze, to be honest. Today, I'm not in a haze. I'm missing my mom, grieving her loss, and aching for Heaven.
 |
| Mom's casket, with her "grands" handprints. |
The day Mom died, as soon as people heard, several dear friends came to the house. Dear friends, who have been part of our family for many years, showed up. They cleaned. They cooked. They listened. They distracted children. They gave hugs. They were just there. That is the greatest gift, I think... to just be with someone in their grief. Not to try and fix it. Not to try and take the pain away. Not to minimize or dismiss. Just to be.
Henri Nouwen, in his book, Compassion, talks about the gift that "being with" can be. According to Nouwen, to share someone's grief can knit hearts together in a way nothing else can. And, based on my own personal experience, it has been one of the most precious treasures anyone has been able to give me.
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| This is from Memorial Day 2018, before we knew Mom had cancer. |
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