Learning... Obedience?
For some reason, Hebrews 5:8 keeps coming to mind. Someone mentioned it to me recently, and I can't get it out of my mind. Jesus learned obedience... what kind of obedience? Why did He need to learn? I don't know.
What I do know is, God isn't vindictive. He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 86:14). He doesn't give us what we deserve (which is death, according to Romans 3:23), choosing rather to use everything, whether the consequences of our own bad choices, the consequences of someone else's bad choices, or the consequences of living in a broken world... to make us more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29). And if anything, I want to be more like Jesus. I just want it to come more easily, I guess... without pain or disappointment or inconvenience or frustration.
I'm writing this by a river, after a stressful and inconvenient morning. I had expectations, and I was responsible so I could meet my expectations. But, for a variety of reasons, things have not gone as planned; see that check engine light??? Normally it might not be a big deal, but right now, everything is a big deal.
Down by the river to have a quiet time and process with the Lord, I noticed the rocks... they are almost all smooth... but rocks don't start out that way... they need "help" to have their rough edges rubbed off. I'm sitting on the gnarled roots of an old tree... close to the water, with green leaves. Like Psalm 1 and Jeremiah 17...
It's like God is saying He is smoothing out my rough edges, and helping me sink deep, if badly gnarled, roots. Suffering, frustration, disappointment... none of it is wasted. None of it. He is working something in me that will bring glory to His name. Today, in brokenness, discouragement, and frustration, I'm trusting Him with my expectations. Through tears of disappointment, heartache, and grief, I'm seeing His faithfulness to meet me and love me (not by fixing things, but by being with me), realizing once again, right now, I can trust Him... deciding that I will trust Him. Seeing once again His amazing grace. Discovering that in spite of everything, it is well with my soul.
What I do know is, God isn't vindictive. He is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 86:14). He doesn't give us what we deserve (which is death, according to Romans 3:23), choosing rather to use everything, whether the consequences of our own bad choices, the consequences of someone else's bad choices, or the consequences of living in a broken world... to make us more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29). And if anything, I want to be more like Jesus. I just want it to come more easily, I guess... without pain or disappointment or inconvenience or frustration.
I'm writing this by a river, after a stressful and inconvenient morning. I had expectations, and I was responsible so I could meet my expectations. But, for a variety of reasons, things have not gone as planned; see that check engine light??? Normally it might not be a big deal, but right now, everything is a big deal.
Down by the river to have a quiet time and process with the Lord, I noticed the rocks... they are almost all smooth... but rocks don't start out that way... they need "help" to have their rough edges rubbed off. I'm sitting on the gnarled roots of an old tree... close to the water, with green leaves. Like Psalm 1 and Jeremiah 17...
It's like God is saying He is smoothing out my rough edges, and helping me sink deep, if badly gnarled, roots. Suffering, frustration, disappointment... none of it is wasted. None of it. He is working something in me that will bring glory to His name. Today, in brokenness, discouragement, and frustration, I'm trusting Him with my expectations. Through tears of disappointment, heartache, and grief, I'm seeing His faithfulness to meet me and love me (not by fixing things, but by being with me), realizing once again, right now, I can trust Him... deciding that I will trust Him. Seeing once again His amazing grace. Discovering that in spite of everything, it is well with my soul.
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