My Deconstruction Story, Part 5

Though the undoing I experienced in Atlanta in 2014 continues to impact me, God was only laying the stage for further deconstruction experiences. 

As a 12 year old, I dreamed of serving the Lord in Africa, like a beloved character from a favorite book, The Star of Light by Patricia St John. Looking back, I can see the affective bent of my faith - more heart driven than head driven - but I didn't have words for it at the time. Nor did I have any idea that how I was looking at the world was actually very different from most of my community. That reality wouldn't become clear, however, for close to 40 years. You can read about that adventure here. 

With my nursing degree and soon-to-be Bible certificate, I visited the annual missions' conference, filled with anticipation of the fulfillment of my childhood dream. You can imagine my surprise when not a single mission organization had openings for a nurse. Not a single one. Looking back, it is clear that God was closing the door for pursuing my dreams. It was much less obvious to the 23 y.o. young professional full of dreams and enthusiasm. 

In the end, I stayed to work at the school where I'd been a student, where I met my husband. Instead of going overseas, like I wanted to, we joined the same organization God used to bring my husband to faith. I let my dream of medical missions die. Sort of. Honestly, though, I carried the corpse of my dream with me everywhere, sharing my unexpected path with the women I was discipling. Then, in 2016, one of the women I'd discipled as a college student was working on staff with a different Christian organization. She called sometime in March(ish) of 2016, inviting me to join her on a trip to Africa. I was so excited, I couldn't even pray about whether to go?! My husband, however, was not so distracted by emotion and gave me the thumbs up. Never, in my wildest dreams, could I image what would happen as a result of that trip. 

Leaving for Uganda in July of 2016, I was so excited! A life-long dream was coming true!! Upon our arrival, the sights and sounds were everything I'd hoped. Until we left the airport in Entebbe and I was confronted with the abject poverty of so many. As we drove into the night, the brutal reality disappeared into darkness. Over the next couple of days, though, my ignorance of true material poverty and my assumptions about circumstances outside the US would confront me in a moment of clarity that would completely change the direction and focus of my life. 

It started with a young girl who got sick in my arms. That led to a desire to help, which further exposed my ignorance and naivety. Finally, in one moment of shock and horror, the Lord used my childhood dream, my training as a nurse, and my heart as a mom to strip away any pretense and leaving me raw with desperate grief. Tears streamed from my face as I stared into the harshness of life for mothers and children outside the comfort of a developed context. A wise and godly mentor challenged me to turn my heart to Jesus and ask what He wanted me to do with the insight He'd given me. Medical Assistance & Missional Outreach, or MAMO, was born.

MAMO is, technically, a development agency. But I didn't have a clue what that meant. All I knew was, I didn't know how to do whatever it was God was calling me to, and I needed to learn. Quick. 

Standing just outside the lobby of the hotel where we were staying, to make use of the limited wi-fi, it was a process of finding the right word to plug into the search engine. Finally, a Master's program popped up on the results. Clicking on the link, it revealed a program that looked like exactly what I needed. It was a Master of Arts in Global Development and Justice, or MAGDJ.

Looking back now, I wonder what I was thinking. If I'd really spent much time contemplating the challenges and obstacles, I would have given up before even getting started. But the experiences in rural Uganda changed me. No longer could I wait for permission to do something. No longer could I let inconveniences or obstacles get in the way of doing what God called me to do. I needed to move. I needed to pursue what God was calling me to do. So I applied to the MAGDJ program. And I was accepted. Thus began one of the most incredible, amazing, overwhelming, undoing journeys of my entire life.