The Adventure Continues; My Deconstruction Story Part 2

After our year in Florida, God brought us back to the Pacific Northwest. We found a darling home about 15 min from the campus we'd be working on and were enveloped into an incredible community; some of our closest friends are people we connected with during this time. We settled into a routine. 

Though not everyone has such a privilege, I grew up with an amazing dad. He "imaged" God as Father for me very well. During this time, especially, I could lean into my Heavenly Father because of how I'd been loved and nurtured by my earthly father. 

As a rough and tumble tomboy, I got hurt frequently. More than one misstep resulted in a trip to the ER for shots and stitches. One time in particular, though some details are fuzzy, my father, who is a big man (6' 6" in his prime) wrapped me snuggly in his arms and promised that he would take care of me, he would stay with me, and he wouldn't let anything happen to me that wasn't for my good. He'd only let the doctors or nurses hurt me if it was absolutely necessary for my wellbeing. True to his promises, though that visit to the hospital did hurt, my dad snuggled me in his arms and kept me safe. It couldn't really decrease the physical experience of getting shots or stitches or the pain from the original injury, somehow it wasn't so bad with my daddy there to take care of me. 

Even though my bad theology had affected my ability to trust God completely, the fear of the unknown and the risk of heartache began to fade as I snuggled securely into my Heavenly Father's arms. A gentle and patient teacher, God gave me incredible opportunities to dig into His Word, to get to know Him in a more authentic and intimate way. The fear of heartache was slowly overshadowed by the confidence of His love and care. 

Life was still tough. We buried another baby, Kinza Noelle, and walked through personal and relational challenges. Then we were introduced to the Faith Process. It was developed by Ron Proctor, a pastor who was serving, in 2007, as the executive director for a ministry called Life Builders, which has since ceased to exist. 

The Faith Process is, basically, a framework for intentionally looking at life through the lens of Scripture; it has been transformational for me in so many ways. I've made some tweaks to Ron's original wording, but the concept is essentially the same, and it has been a huge blessing in my journey. 

The Faith Process has three steps:

1. Review the Faith Definition - "Faith is choosing to live in light of the truth of God's Word regardless of circumstances, emotions, or cultural trends. 
2. As the Faith Question - "If I'm going to live in light of the truth of God's Word, how am I going to live?"
3. Ask the Holy Spirit to help me live in light of the particular truth of God's Word. 

It wasn't very long after learning the Faith Process before I had an opportunity to put it to good use. Seven weeks pregnant when we headed to Texas for the event that would introduce us to the concept, I started bleeding. In the two agonizing weeks we had to wait before being able to know if the baby was dead or not, I clung to the Faith Process, recognizing that no matter what happened with our blessing, God had knit this little one together (Psalm 139) and his or her life was precious in His sight. 

The craziest part of the whole journey happened when I found out the baby was actually dead. Instead of being completely undone as I had been before, I was able to turn to the Lord, hold onto His promises (not sure which verses anymore, but they were comforting), and trust God to hold me tight even in the midst of grief. 

Of all the principles and lessons I've learned, I think the Faith Process is by far one of the most significant. It has helped me cling to God's Word, find hope in His promises, and rest in the midst of upheaval. I would say the Faith Process is probably one of the key elements of my faith reconstruction experience. It has helped me weather storms, face trials, and cling to God in the midst of darkness. 

So significant has this concept become that it will show up again and again in my faith reconstruction journey.