Finishing Well...

PC: Ginettigino, licensed through Adobe Photo stock.

Finishing well... what does that mean? What is the measure of "well?" How do you know if you will "finish well?"

So much of the time, I think of finishing well as pushing for the tape, making it across the finish line, stepping into Glory. It is easy to think of finishing as a series of tasks to be accomplished, boxes to be checked, jobs to be done. But I am not sure I've been right. What if finishing well has nothing to do with tasks or boxes or finishing? What if it is more about valuing relationships, even to the very end? What does it look like then?

Recently I have been studying the book of John. It started as a school assignment, to read through the entire book in one sitting rather than digesting it in parts and pieces. It has become so much more, as different passages have captivated me, and sections I had not paid much attention to have caught my eye. John 13 is one such section. Jesus "knew that his hour had come to depart... having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end" (John 13:1, ESV). Then Jesus washes the feet of his disciples, including Judas and Peter, both of whom would betray him in different ways. 

The words “he loved them to the end” struck me, because Jesus loved even those who he knew would betray him. He knew that Judas would be leaving soon to sell him out. He knew the night would not end before Peter had denied even knowing him three times. He knew. And yet, he loved them to the end.

End of life and man’s frailty are not popular topics to discuss. We don’t like to talk about how life ends. And few of us get to choose the circumstances of our passing. My mom didn’t. Mom was diagnosed with cancer on June 6th, two days after her 52nd wedding anniversary. She died exactly two months later. 

It was funny, how quickly priorities shifted after June 6th. Suddenly activities that seemed urgent no longer mattered and activities that had been important but not at the top of the priority list took on new urgency. 

I've been thinking about Mom's final two months lately, and how many things were left undone because I have a dear friend whose 26 y.o. daughter is dying. Recognizing how short their time is, my friend has put everything else on hold. They celebrated birthdays early. If they have time, they will celebrate Thanksgiving early. They had family portraits done. They even picked out an urn and worked on funeral arrangements together, because they could. They are, I think, finishing like Jesus did. They are "loving to the end," in spite of the pain, the frustration, the temptation to deny or ignore the truth. They are making the most of the time they have so that when time is done, they will have few regrets. 

I have some regrets from my mom's final days. Looking back, I wish we had chosen to celebrated birthdays and Thanksgiving and Christmas early. I wish we'd gotten family portraits. I wish we had made more memories. I wish we’d understood what my friend seems to have recognized so quickly. Relationships really are what matter, and when a relationship is severed by death, memories will be all that you have left. It is painful, messy, and inconvenient. Death (generally) can’t be scheduled. You have to choose what you will do.

My friend is choosing well. It won’t change the outcome, but when her daughter is gone, she will be able to savor every moment they had together, every memory they made together, every investment in relationship she prioritized. Both my friend and her daughter are striving to "love to the end." And I think that is really what finishing well is all about.