Do You See Me? Do You Really?

Social media isn't really my thing. Scrolling through Facebook can be fun, keeping tabs on the lives of those who pop up in my newsfeed. But with close to 1000 "friends," I don't keep up with many, and it is a time dump; it sucks you in and suddenly two hours are gone. Twitter is too much (some of those threads can be so hard to follow?!) and Insta doesn't make sense. Kids have tried to show me but I don't care enough to invest the energy necessary to really get into it. Not being on social media can lead to feeling unseen and unknown, left on the outside looking in. 

I'm also a bit of a different bird. A big-picture, passionate woman studying theology at the doctoral level, while homeschooling my children (the perfect test subjects), I do not fit the picture of the traditional godly wife. In a culture divided over issues of justice, I'm trying to find middle ground. In a culture focused on addressing symptoms, I want to understand and address root causes. In a world of relativity, I believe in absolutes. Though I am incredibly conservative, in the truest sense of that word, I have been unfriended and rejected as a progressive or a liberal. The reality is, in so many ways, I don't fit into stereotypes or boxes. 

The times I feel the most unseen are when I post on Facebook and instead of asking questions to clarify what is being communicated, people make assumptions that reveal just how little they know me. 

The latest example was regarding Will Smith's "slap heard round the world." I posted 

I’m not always the most up-to-date for social news. But I have heard about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock. Here’s my take on the matter - Will Smith defended his wife and in an era where we’re bemoaning the lack of male leadership and how disrespecting women is ok, he is challenging the status quo. Sometimes humor goes too far. Chris Rock went too far. Actions and choices have consequences. He learned that he does not want to diss another man’s wife. I personally think it’s a valuable lesson.

My intent was not to "condone" Will Smith's behavior or to suggest that violence is the best solution to someone insulting your wife. My intent was to highlight contradictions (we complain about men being weak, then condemn a man when he takes decisive action; we bemoan the disrespect of women, then tolerate humor that demeans a woman). I also pointed out that actions have consequences. Chris Rock learned the hard way that it may not feel good to diss Will Smith's wife. Will Smith has learned that smacking Chris Rock was not the best choice. 

Some people suggested that Will Smith doesn't have the right to defend his wife, violently or otherwise, because he allows her to be intimate with other men. Many echoed a total condemnation of violence, saying it is never the answer, as though I was suggesting it was. In some of the ensuing dialogues, generally with people who have engaged me regularly on FB, we came to a common understanding and even agreement. Other dialogues were decidedly less agreeable. 

The thing that is most interesting to me was the perception of people that I was condoning violence. If you know me well, that isn't even a question; I don't. Apparently, few of my "friends" on Facebook know me very well. 

It's also very interesting to me that so many people are quick to condemn physical violence, but are okay with derogatory communication. James 3:7-10 says, 

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the image of God. From the same mouth come blessings and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so (ESV). 

Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (ESV). 

Technically, neither of these passages applies to either Smith or Rock, because as far as I know, neither of them identifies as a follower of Jesus. But maybe that is the key question we should be asking anyway - where do our values come from? Why is it that Will Smith's actions were considered such a grievous violation of our social contract? Why do we tolerate, and even celebrate, speech that tears down and defames people made in the image of God? Why is one act unacceptable and the other tolerated? 

These are important questions that the Body of Christ should be wrestling with. Again, where do our values come from? Are they biblical? Are they appropriate? Is violence ever an acceptable response? If not, how do we justify the 2nd Amendment? Guns are nothing if not violent, though they can also be a deterrent to violence. Even in typing these words, I wonder - how will people respond? Will I be seen for who I am - the woman who was a striking minority in her hunter's safety course, learned to field dress her own deer in high school, and could shoot better than many men? Or will people instantly assume that I am anti-gun because I questioned the 2nd Amendment? 

The saddest part of this whole experience, for me, is the critical spirit of so many. In Galatians 6:1, Paul wrote, after his explanation of the differences between people who were living in the flesh and those controlled by the Spirit, "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness (other translations say meekness). Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted" (ESV). Whether inside or outside the Church, our responses to those who fail are increasingly hostile and definitely not gentle. As followers of Jesus, we can do better. We should do better. We should seek to know each other, how to value each other, and how to approach the weaknesses or failures of others with humility, gentleness, and meekness. 

In that light, I want to share what I think is a beautiful example of this passage after Will's less-than-stellar moment. Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry have both expressed personal relationships with God. I wonder if this verse was on their minds...