Running on Water

One of my first memories is on a school playground, where I was head and shoulders above most of the other children. My height, of course, led to teasing. As a result, I was excluded from most of the playground games and labeled with nicknames. While some of the complexities have been lost to time, what I remember was, I didn’t want to be hurt again. So, I withdrew into what I hoped would be safer spaces, seeking to limit rejection, disappointment, or heartache to the best of my ability.

Honestly, I think my life would have continued on that same (comfortable, uneventful) course, except for that trip to Uganda in 2016. My fear and insecurity, driven by finding my confidence and value somewhere besides my identity as God’s child, paled in comparison to the conviction that I had to do something about the injustice God had allowed me to see.

Perhaps the recognized lack of understanding (resulting from my years of self-protection) allowed me to engage differently. Rather than having answers, I knew I didn’t have any. Rather than being driven by fear of exposing that ignorance, I was driven by a desperation that clouded out everything else, a desperation that continues to drive me, to be honest. I must do something about the brokenness God has allowed me to see. That conviction has forced me out of my comfort zone and into a whole new world… one of advanced academic study, copious reading, and a growing understanding of just how much I do not know!   

As I continue this adventure, one of the questions I’ve been contemplating is how a secure attachment to the Trinity sets the stage for effective engagement in different contexts. What difference does a secure attachment make and how does it set the stage for “cross-cultural” engagement.  

I’m learning that words need to be clearly defined. In this case, it is valuable to highlight that a “secure attachment to the Trinity” is, essentially, understanding the nature of the relationship between a Christian and our Triune God. Someone who has embraced the forgiveness offered through the cross, who has been adopted into the family of God, has become a child of God, just as if they had been born into God’s family (Eph 2:19)!

Using personal examples, though I am recently estranged from one of my children (by their choice, not mine) that child is still my child. I am still their mom. Nothing can ever change that reality. Though I have spent part of my adult life estranged from my father, I have still always been his daughter. Nothing has changed that reality. It is the same way with children of God; once they become part of God’s family, nothing will ever change that reality. Knowing that nothing will change your relationship with God creates a sense of security that sets the stage, at least for me, for what comes next.

Confident that my relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit is secure, I don’t have to struggle with the fear of rejection. I don’t have to wrestle with how something I say or do might be misunderstood or misconstrued. I don’t have to wonder if God’s actions towards me are malicious or exploitative. I don’t have to wonder what God thinks or says about me behind my back. I don’t have to wonder anything. I know, based on the Bible, exactly what God thinks about me and how much he loves me. 

Because of the confidence I have in my relationship with the Triune God, I have freedom to engage differently, with everything. Specifically, I can engage differently with making mistakes, which sets the stage for engaging in different contexts with freedom and humility. I don’t have to know all the answers. I don’t have to be first, or in charge, or (maybe more importantly for me) I don’t have to be quiet, reserved, or withdrawn. I can ask questions. I can be curious. I can be wrong without fear of rejection, not because rejection doesn’t happen, but because fear of rejection no longer holds me captive, and other people’s rejection no longer defines me. God’s love and acceptance are completely unrelated to my performance!

It is difficult to put into words the freedom that comes from such a secure relationship. What I know is, God is transforming me from the inside out. In some ways, I feel kind of like Dash, from Disney/Pixar’s movie “The Incredibles.” Having been forbidden from using his superpowers for most of his life, Dash is finally given freedom to go as fast as he can. A short time later, he discovers he can literally walk (or run) on water! I can’t walk on water, but I can do things I never imagined being able to do, in the power of the Holy Spirit and by the grace of God.

Not gonna lie – some of the experiences on this journey of discovery have been pretty miserable. Growth is rarely comfortable or easy. The enemy isn’t playing fair as I learn to stand tall, either. Even so, God’s grace is sufficient, and the experience of freedom is definitely worth the difficulty!  

The sobering reality is, far too few Christians understand how to walk in such freedom. That is why I am so committed to studying contextual leadership; I want all of God’s adopted sons and daughters to experience the freedom that comes first from knowing who God is and then who we are. That frees us to move beyond defensiveness and fear to humble, confident engagement with all God’s image bearers, regardless of their context, religious belief system (if they acknowledge one), or moral framework. This freedom is so beautiful, I want to share the experience with as many people as possible!!