Can I Hear You? Am I Really Listening?

 

Photo credit - SplitShire, used under MS Creative Commons license

Recently, I heard a gentleman say that you can't listen when you're talking. Maybe it caught my attention because I am in a doctoral program on contextual leadership; I’m investing a great deal of time and money trying to better understand how to communicate effectively in different contexts…

Whatever it was, the comment made me think… my focus for so much of this academic journey has been on learning to communicate… to speak in such a way that people would listen. What if I’ve been focused on the wrong thing…  

Back to the gentleman I heard speak – he was describing ministry on an Indian reservation and how important listening is in the native culture. It is so important, in fact, that awkward pauses aren't awkward. Awkward pauses make space for hearing. Rather than being awkward, those pauses can give people confidence that they will be heard. Though it was discovered somewhat accidentally, because this gentleman was willing to listen, or at least be okay with silence, he reaped unexpected benefits. Now, twenty years later, the stories of impact in that ministry context rival the Book of Acts. The power of listening became a tool for transformation. 

Listening does not seem like a powerful tool for transformation. It doesn’t require strategic plans or goals or mission statements. It can feel more like disengaging than engaging. And yet, the more I study contextual leadership, the more confident I become that the key to contextualizing the Gospel (which is the foundation for transformation) is in how well we listen, rather than in how we present the Gospel. Yes, it is important to communicate clearly and to be prepared to speak when the opportunity presents itself. It is important to know how to communicate in a way that people can receive, both in terminology and tone. But how do you do either without listening?

A recent study commissioned by Movement DFW, titled “Not on Our Watch,” revealed why young adults (18-29 year-olds) in the DFW area, who used to go to church, don’t go anymore. One reason is that “they feel that the teachings of the church are outdated, confusing, and irrelevant” (from p. 30 of the report). The other reason these young men and women no longer attend church is that “they feel that the church is inauthentic or manipulative” (also from p. 30).

If our teachings are outdated, confusing, and irrelevant, and we’re perceived as inauthentic or manipulative, I’m not sure that what we say will really matter… the question we have to ask is, is anybody listening?

In an article published in 2018, Cas Monaco and Gary Runn (both formerly with Cru) shared some absolutely incredible insight that was revealed through some research Cru sponsored. According to that research, “of the 400 surveyed, 84% are ready and willing to engage in spiritual conversations...”

The number one recommendation for starting gospel conversations, based on that research, was to “be present and listen.” Unfortunately, the research also showed that even those who were willing to engage in spiritual conversations didn’t think Christians would actually be able to have them. In other words, people who are willing to have spiritual conversations, people who are curious about issues of faith and desire to know more don’t think that those best qualified to communicate the Gospel can really listen.

According to the research commissioned by MovementDFW, the percentage of people who consider themselves unaffiliated will double (to roughly 30% of the population…more than 50,000,000 people) by 2050!

Something needs to change! 

Perhaps what needs to change is not how we’re communicating or proclaiming the Gospel. Perhaps what needs to change is the foundational question we’re asking… rather than asking, “how can I communicate the Gospel effectively in this rapidly changing culture,” the questions that really matter are,

 “Can I hear you?" and "Am I really listening?”.