Lessons in Leadership – Communication Edition

MS Online photo - Creative Commons license. Photographer unknown.

The focus of my studies right now is communication, as in how leadership impacts communication and communication impacts leadership. The original title of the class was “Leading from the Pulpit,” because the DMin program has, historically, been designed for men who are serving in the capacity of a senior or lead pastor. Because I am not a man, or a pastor, or serving in a lead or “senior” capacity, I was a little snarky about the class. It didn’t seem like it would be that beneficial to me. Oh boy was I wrong!

I’m in a kind of unique position with my program; I’m the last one of my cohort. Rather than the traditional intensives, I was able to design the final two classes myself, which has been fantastic. In developing a plan with my advisor, I mentioned my frustration with the course title. He challenged me by suggesting that while I may not have a “pulpit” in the traditional sense, I do have a platform, maybe even more than one. And the course was intended to help me learn how to lead effectively in that space or spaces. Yikes. That was the first of many humbling lessons God has taught me over the last few months.

After realizing that I do have platforms from which to lead, I had to begin evaluating how well I’ve been doing. And the bottom line is, I’ve done a terrible job. In the different leadership roles I carry (which are more than I realized…) one consistent struggle is with communication. As in, I don’t communicate effectively. Ouch!

As I’ve grown in my understanding of leadership, recognizing that I carry the burden of responsibility for good communication is humbling. According to one article I read, leaders create culture through how they communicate. If that’s true, then I’ve created some pretty unhealthy organizational culture, simply because of my poor communication! Yuck!

The great thing about digging into communication and learning what I’ve learned about my failures is, I can change! In fact, if good leadership is dependent on making (and then learning from) mistakes, I’m in good shape!

Honestly, in so many ways, this whole doctoral journey has been about making mistakes, recognizing I’ve made mistakes, and then choosing to embrace the truth that mistakes are not fatal (even though they often feel that way), and I can learn and grow! Admittedly, learning and growing are very difficult. The old adage that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks has some validity. Except that you can… it just takes a really long time and requires a tremendous amount of effort.

The great thing about studying leadership, though, is that not only can I identify the problem (by God’s grace), which is the first step to addressing it, I understand the basics of how to address it and formulate a path toward improvement! Admittedly, it is a difficult process. It would be much easier to look at someone else’s leadership or communication failures and help them chart a path forward. It is always easier to see what is wrong with someone else than to take a critical look inward. But, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and because of what I’ve learned about my identity (I am not defined by my failures!!) it is possible to freely, with confidence and even excitement!

My first step was to confess my failed leadership and poor communication. God doesn’t define me by my performance, but because I love Him, I want to excel, and I haven’t. That’s worthy of confession. Then, with the help of my advisor, I identified different platforms God has given me. If I’m not aware of a platform, I can’t lead well in that space. If I recognize a platform, then I can begin to develop better strategies for communicating and leading. I’m not going to lie – it’s hard work. It’s been discouraging to recognize how poorly I’ve led and that I have no one to blame but me. And yet, it is also exciting. As my mother-in-law says, it’s never too late!

One of the other lessons I’m learning is that I need a plan. I need to have a framework within which I can operate if I’m going to be effective. The challenge is, not everyone I know needs a plan. My husband, who is very detail-oriented, does not need a plan. He has an internal framework that guides his efforts. It doesn’t require a lot of time to develop or layout. Friends are very much able to operate without taking the time to lay out a step-by-step guide. I’m not. And taking the time to lay out that plan feels monotonous and laborious. I do not like it. What I do like, though, is how much more effective I can be with a plan! In the end, it saves inestimable amounts of time and energy. It also helps me feel less shame.

Even though we don’t live in an honor-shame culture, I think the enemy uses shame to keep us from pursuing change. When I feel shame, I don’t want to acknowledge my failures or shortcomings. I want to hide them. When I hide things, then I cut myself off from getting help. It’s a vicious cycle that, quite frankly, I am getting tired of! It’s been exciting to realize, in graduating levels, that God is changing that cycle, giving me freedom to embrace the “crutches” I need to embrace, with the exhilarating success that follows.

The one frustration I haven’t been able to address well is, how do I effectively communicate what I’m experiencing to other people? It is difficult, to be sure. But I keep trying. Maybe that is the best demonstration of my growth as a leader and as a communicator… I haven’t quit yet.